My hiatus from my manuscript was supposed to be brief. But somehow a few days turned into a few weeks, which turned into a few months…and here we are.
At some point, and I’m not exactly sure when, my “healthy distancing” turned into procrastination, which then, for reasons that aren’t quite clear, morphed into downright fear. Fear of everything…failing, sucking, wasting my time, not knowing what to write, not knowing how to tackle my revisions, rejection letters, the publishing industry, the economy, my upcoming 30th birthday, my looming life goals and so on.
In between bouts of fear, I did have bouts of good intention. I did some craft development work. Got some additional clips published. I even managed to set the alarm clock for 5 a.m. on more than one occasion. But no matter how much I wanted to, I simply could not get out of bed.
Finally, I confessed my anxiety to my husband, who stepped up as the voice of reason. Very simply he told me that I need to just sit down at my computer and start again.
So this week, with somewhat wavering commitment, I’ve been back on the 5 a.m. bandwagon. The first morning was relatively easy, but I’m embarrassed to admit that this is what it took to get me out of bed this morning:
(I should preface this by telling you that last night we watched How to Train Your Dragon.)
Staticky radio station blares at 5 a.m.
I hit snooze.
Dave: “You getting up?”
Me: “I just need one snooze.”
Dave: “Well, I’m getting up.”
Me: “Ok, wake me after your shower.”
Dave: “You should just get up now so you have more time to write.”
Me: “I need more sleep.”
Dave: Sigh. “Don’t you want to write anymore?”
Me: Feeling guilty, annoyed and desperate to stay in the downy warmth that is my bed. “I DO, BUT IT’S 5 O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. WOULD YOU FEEL LIKE WRITING RIGHT NOW? DO YOU HAVE ANY GREAT IDEAS AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR?”
Dave: “How about a book called, ‘How to Train Your Goldfish’?”
Boiling anger dissipates.
A gigglefit ensues.
I get up, sit down at my computer and start yet again.
As usually happens when I just sit down and get started, two hours flew by, progress was made and I started my day feeling happier and more energetic than if I would’ve stayed bundled in my warm cocoon.
Moral of the story? If you’re feeling stuck, simply start again.
The other moral of the story? Dave was right (yet again).